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About Deviant Premium Member Ronnie (Female Name Cecilia)Other/Australia Group :iconcreativity-of-life: Creativity-Of-Life
 
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Charmie as a Wondercolt

"You may not know this, but I actually compete in a sport. Ten pin bowling. Yes, it might sound a little weird and a little crazy but I've always dreamed of representing my country at Paralympic or at World Championship level or even for my school. Now I have that chance at the Friendship Games."

Commission by :iconambassad0r:

Charmie Heart

"A new look, for a new me! Look out world! This is a sample of my journey as a student at Canterlot High."

Commission by :iconambassad0r:

Charmie Heart EQG Style by Strumfreak

Ah yes, the ever wonderful world of Canterlot High. I was quite the "charmer" as they would say.

Commission by :iconstrumfreak:

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What was your overall reaction to "Bloom and Gloom" episode and as a bonus question in the comments, how did you feel about watching the episode itself? 

60%
3 deviants said Brilliant!
20%
1 deviant said Outstanding!
20%
1 deviant said So-So
0%
No deviants said Its OK I guess…
0%
No deviants said Didnt live up to the hype.

Activity


What was your overall reaction to "Bloom and Gloom" episode and as a bonus question in the comments, how did you feel about watching the episode itself?
60%
3 deviants said Brilliant!
20%
1 deviant said Outstanding!
20%
1 deviant said So-So
0%
No deviants said Its OK I guess…
0%
No deviants said Didnt live up to the hype.

Hello Bloom, My Name is Anxiety (Bloom and Gloom)

Journal Entry: Sat Apr 18, 2015, 5:00 PM


WARNING: As per my previous posts on this topic, it contains items that are from a personal retrospective and are based on my thoughts and mine alone. Trolls, haters and wannabe heroes who want to cause trouble will be dealt with and run the risk of being reported. This post also may contains some spoilers for those who haven't seen the episode yet, so you've been warned.


This post may also contain references or triggers that could provoke post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety and stress conditions. Readers are advised to exercise discretion and if needed have someone pre read this article to ensure suitability.

With that said....
"I am the hot and cold flushes that confuse you when you're already confused enough."

"I am the tightening of your chest."

"I am the snowballing worries that become an avalanche in an instant."

"I am the one that causes nightmares in your sleep."

"I am the one that causes your life to spiral out of control."

"I am the one that makes your life a living wreck."

MY NAME IS ANXIETY.
 

Anxiety. The hidden condition.

You cannot see it nor you can try and detect it. It stays hidden and cloaked and it doesn't become visible until it rears it's head in a bad way. You can't catch it like a flu. It just happens out of nowhere.

You can try and control it so much but eventually it will be noticeable for everyone to see. You can take all of the medication to try and control it, but the side effects are exactly the opposite. Instead of calming you down, it puts you flat on your back and left unable to move.

You almost lose your job due to anxiety. It is your own fault they said. You need help they said. You need to start living a normal life they said. But in the truthful reality, it wasn't your fault that you spun out of control.

Things aren't looking better despite people saying they are and the spiral just keeps spinning out of control. You have lost your Nan, your Pop, your grandma in a space of five years and you have no one else to turn to for advice. Every day is trying to survive though the harshest of jungles and also staying on the correct side of the law.

This is my experience with anxiety. I have to deal with this every single day from sunrise to sunset. Each day is a struggle with life.

For me, this episode titled "Bloom and Gloom" is a personal trip down memory lane filled with bad memories, PTSD flashbacks, anxiety attacks, stress blowups and several trips to the shrink to get to the root of the problem, but without much success. In fact, I never felt so uncomfortable in watching any episode of the show ever since I joined the fandom a few years ago.

Sure I've had the odd episode that made me blow my fuses, made me cry and even almost make me sick. But to literally take the issue of anxiety, put in and present it to you directly in your face is something else.

Most of this episode recap is going to focus on my experience with anxiety and how Apple Bloom also deals with the problem. Some of the content is going to be a bit dark and graphic, but I'll keep it "G" or "PG" rated when I can.


The Crusaders Three

We begin this tale with a visit to the Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse where a meeting is about to take place.

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetle Belle receive some news from Manehattan that makes them excited:

Babs Seed finally has her cutie mark!

Yes, you have heard it here first. Apple Bloom's cousin and the one who made Sweetie Belle cry her eyes out has finally come of age! Wow! The first of the Cutie Mark Crusaders has finally achieved their goal.

But celebrations start turning to concerns when Scoots and Sweetie start talking about the future. A future that was supposed to be filled with hope, excitement and opportunity turns out to be a worried filled nightmare for Apple Bloom who by the end of segment one is worried to no end.


Fear of Failure


Now let me go off track here and bring up a few points of the segment that followed.
"What if I finally get my cutie mark and I don't like it?"

"What if I get my cutie mark and nopony likes me?" "

What if the Cutie Mark Crusaders drift apart?"

Apple Bloom has a point there with those three questions. What if she got her cutie mark and it isn't her special talent? Will she face social rejection after finally going through heck to achieve her goal? Will the Cutie Mark Crusaders be dispanded or broken up? So many questions to ask yet the ponies who listen to your concerns don't listen or respond.

I go through a similar situation almost on a daily basis and Apple Bloom, you are not alone when I say this but you are being tumbled around like being a clothes dryer. Without the heat of course.

This is what we call "fear of failure" or as it's commonly known in the medical trade as Atychiphobia. In common terms, Atychiphobia is a repeated version of having a fear of failing in a task or in a life in general.

For me, an example of my fear of failure is when I forget someone's birthday. While I make it up by sending a belated birthday wish, I often have a fear that the person would end up getting angry at me for forgetting their special day and eventually calling me everything under the sun and not wanting to speak to me again. That is not a joke by the way.

Anyway back to the topic at hand.

Apple Bloom's questions to Applejack set off a trigger for me when I viewed the preview clip a few days before the episode aired.

You can clearly see that she really wants to get her cutie mark at any cost, even going as far to put her body on the line to do it. It's also a no brainer that Apple Bloom wants to knock down the challenges set before her in life and finally wants to take the next steps in her life and discover what she is good at.

Yet though crashing into tree sap, branches, bumps, bruizes, two snooty fillies giving her a hard time and getting a few ponies offside including her own big sister and brother, Apple Bloom keeps coming back for more even during her lowest moments in life.

But after all of this, she has a fear of failure in the form of her future. This is nothing new. I had similar feelings when I graduated high school and had major concerns about what to do next in life due to my disability and no employer wanting to hire me for a job. She wants to get her cutie mark, but she now has serious doubts of whether she will find her special talent with no direction or even a clue of where to go next.


Nightmares



The bulk of the episode centred around Apple Bloom having difficulty sleeping and even a song from Applejack helps a little but it doesn't help out that much.

We then cut to a scene of the next morning where Apple Bloom wakes from her sleep only to find out that the unobtainable....has been obtained:

Say it ain't so? Apple Bloom finally getting her cutie mark? In...extermination? Now hold on for just a moment. Didn't we find out in the opening scene that Apple Bloom is more likely to get a Apple Family based cutie mark? After all, if Granny Smith, Big Mac and Applejack have related cutie marks, shouldn't Apple Bloom follow suit?  


That's what I wanted to know.

Was Apple Bloom having a nightmare? Or was for real?

If this turned out to be real then I would have said that the show has done a Fonzie and "jumped the shark" and pretty much said it's over for me. Luckily though, that didn't happen. Instead we get a reference to a classic movie to match the extermination role:

....and it wouldn't be a Ghostbusters reference without Bill Murray's classic line. Ponified of course:


But before she kicked flank, she ran far into the Everfree Forest to escape the rath of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon who as always was giving her a hard time. Somewhere in the darkness of the forest, a all too familiar voice rang out:

Could it be? Could Starlight Glimmer after fleeing the town that she built be hiding in the Everfree Forest and playing her tricks on other ponies? Was she going to make mince meat out of Apple Bloom (not physically) and rip her new cutie mark off and replace it with a equal sign? We would find out the true identity later on.


Social Rejection & Family Disowning

Now we come to the part of the episode that put many to the ultimate test.


It turns out Apple Bloom was having a nightmare after all. But things are still not what they normally be.

The second time around yet another cutie mark and instead of fighting bugs, she ends up going to be Crusaders clubhouse only for Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle to pretty much reject Apple Bloom.

This part of the episode made me cringe in fear as this reflected my real world experiences of losing friends and breaching trust. I had to turn the volume down on my headphones as the words Scoots and Sweetie were saying actually caused me to get a little upset. Not in the form of tears running down the eyes, but in the form of being angry at what was going on at the time.


We now go through the same opening scene again for a third time, only this time the darkness level was turned up to 10 and higher.

The entire Apple Family turned their back on Apple Bloom. No joke:

This scene almost broke me as it reflected my real world experiences with my own family and the fights that I had with them during the years. The memories of fighting with them including the times where I stood up for my rights to be free and independent came flooding back to me and I was pretty much close to tears and shaking in fear at this point.

As mentioned at the start of this recap, I have had episodes which caused me to be angry. I have had episodes that made me cry my eyes out. I have had episodes test my anxiety, PTSD and stress levels. I almost lost my lunch during the season five premiere due to the cutie un-marking scene.

But I in my many years of being in the fandom was never tested to breaking point while watching an episode.

This one did it for me.


The Princess of the Night


After going though the same opening scene for a third and a forth time, Apple Bloom finally meets her match after going through heck.

Who was this person taunting her?

Would we have a plot twist and have Starlight come out and pretty much turn the lights out on Apple Bloom? Well if Starlight actually came out and did that, I can guarantee you that I wouldn't be writing this next segment of the recap. Plus the entire fandom would be in mourning over Apple Bloom as well.

So instead of Starlight, we end up finding out who was behind this after all...


That's right. The Princess of the Night herself. Princess Luna in the flesh and blood.

So after a drama filled portion of the episode, we are then treated to a peaceful dream scape where Luna asks Apple Bloom why she is worried to no end.

It turns out she isn't alone in all of this. Her friends are also having the same fears.


Sweetie Belle's Musical Talent

The door is then open by Luna and we soon get a look inside the world of Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.

Now it is no surprise that Sweetie is a good singer. In fact she is a very good singer as demonstrated through the four seasons of the show so far. So we end up in her dream scape where she is about to perform in front of her big sister Rarity as well as Vinyl and Octavia. Instead of hearing her beautiful voice ringing across the theatre, we see Sweetie Belle end up getting a cutie mark in cleaning instead.

I can only imagine what Rarity must have been going through at that point in time. In fact, after I watched the episode I had a dream where Rarity ended up comforting a crying Sweetie Belle at the Carousel Boutique. It's no secret that I like this sister pairing, Rarity and Sweetie were made for each other and to be there no matter what the situation.

Ok I am getting a little ahead of myself here, let's move on.


Scootaloo. The Daredevil?

We then cross to Scootaloo who dreams of being a daredevil like the greats of yesteryear.

Armed with her scooter and a outfit that Rainbow Dash would be proud of, she takes off on a stunt ramp only for her world to turn upside down and ends up getting her cutie mark in culinary and cooking instead.

This scene and the one before it broke my heart a little, but it goes to show that these three fillies have dreams, goals and inspirations of their very own and even through the tough times, bullying and ponies even going as far as telling them that they can't do it.

But in the end, all is well. The harsh reality of the last 25 minutes is nothing but broadcasting history and the Cutie Mark Crusaders live to tell their tale and to fight for another day. Oh, did I tell you that Babs ended up getting a care package?



In Conclusion


At the end of it all, this episode for me was completely different that I thought it was. I thought it was going to go extremely dark and extremely deep and deal with the issue of anxiety in the style that the season premiere did, but it turned out to be a great episode that also went to lengths to cover the topic without having to go too dark in terms of the storyline. I have to give the show staff credit for actually tackling this issue that no other show in it's genre couldn't touch.

Sure it tested my anxiety, stress and PTSD to breaking point, but I actually enjoyed it despite being "shook up" as they say.

So what's next for the Cutie Mark Crusaders?

Well I've got a good feeling that their big moment is about to happen. It may not be today, it might not be tomorrow or even a few years down the track.

But when the time comes and it's good and ready, I've got a good feeling that we will see history being made before our eyes.

As they say....stay tuned. There is more to come.


CharmiePPAM by rjrgmc28

Ronnie (Cecilia)

If you require immediate assistance or support after reading this article, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or at www.lifeline.org.au/crisischat or the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.

For readers in New Zealand, you can contact Lifeline NZ on 0800 543 354 or Kidsline on 0800 573 754.

For further information on anxiety, you can contact Beyondblue on 1300 224 636 or at www.beyondblue.org.au or for New Zealand, you can contact the Anxiety New Zealand Trust on 0800 269 4389 or at www.anxiety.org.nz. You can also visit the Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand at www.mentalhealth.org.nz.

You can also talk to a GP, a medical professional or someone you can trust.

For readers overseas, you can consult your local telephone directory, healthcare directory or access a list of crisis numbers for your country.

Awwww....that episode was so sweet! What was your overall reaction to "Castle Sweet Castle" episode?
29%
2 deviants said Brilliant!
29%
2 deviants said Outstanding!
29%
2 deviants said I'm crying for goodness sakes! That was beautiful!
14%
1 deviant said So-So
0%
No deviants said It's OK I guess….
0%
No deviants said Didn't live up to the hype.

By My Side (Castle Sweet Castle)

Journal Entry: Sat Apr 11, 2015, 4:25 PM


WARNING: As per my previous posts on this topic, it contains items that are from a personal retrospective and are based on my thoughts and mine alone. Trolls, haters and wannabe heroes who want to cause trouble will be dealt with and run the risk of being reported. This post also may contains some spoilers for those who haven't seen the episode yet, so you've been warned.


With that said....


May 10th 2014.

One date that will go down in history when Ponyville's most valued treasures was taken out in an attack by Tirek.

The Golden Oak Library, or otherwise known as the Treebrary suffered extensive damage and despite the best efforts of both the Ponyville Fire and Rescue and several units of the Equestria Rural Fire Service to try and extinguish the blaze and salvage what remained, the property was declared a write-off by the insurance company.

All of the building was declared unsafe and too dangerous to repair.

All of Twilight Sparkle and Spike's valuable assets and contents perished in a puff of smoke. Unable to be recovered or replaced.

This wasn't the first time something like this happened, but to have it happen to a provident landmark devistated the entire town.

It was their own version of the Ash Wednesday or Black Saturday bushfires which claimed so many lives and caused several million dollars in property damage and change the Australian landscape forever.

So when the fifth season was announced a few months ago, the question came up on whether an episode covering the loss would be featured and how Twilight was feeling about losing her home and what steps she needed to take next.

The end result was the episode titled Castle Sweet Castle.


Feeling Homesick



The episode begins with Twilight Sparkle, who is a little worse for wear for some odd reason helping out Fluttershy cleaning up her animal friends.

Now while there is nothing wrong with this, in fact this shows Twilight is willing to "get down to earth" and help out despite her role as a princess. However things start taking a strange step or two when Twilight wants to continue cleaning even after the job is done, even to the point of pushing Angel into the mud.

We then fast forward to the Castle where Pinkie has cooked up a delicious breakfast consisting of pancakes with all of the goodies including cream, fruits and even the good ol maple syrup! It's Canadian as it can get!

But while the girls are enjoying their meal, Twilight is fallen asleep at the wheel....

It turns out Twilight has been doing some extra tasks to try and avoid going home and as a result she has fallen asleep and is feeling fatigued. The issue is then highlighted when she takes a faceplant into her food and is woken by Pinkie finding a hidden spoon.

It also turns out Twilight doesn't like the place at all.



Helping Twilight Out

So after a song and dance number and sending Twilight to the local spa resort for a little R&R, the rest of the Mane 6 get to work and contribute some ideas to make Twilight's new home one that she will be proud of.

Everypony brought something unique to the party.

Fluttershy brought some of her animal friends around.

Applejack brought a little country charm with her trees and flowers.

Rainbow Dash showed off her achievements in her flying career.

Pinkie Pie brought some party supplies to give the place a cheerful mood.

...and Rarity being the expert on fashion and interior designing brought some curtains and drapes (proper ones, not those tacky and dull looking ones that were featured last week) to give the castle a modern look.

However....all this caused was pure and utter chaos!


Instead of the place feeling like home, they made the place a cluttered and unorganised mess! Poor Spike came home to find the place in such disarray!



So they tried to reorganise the place by going back to square one.

.... but it's not that easy when Rarity is screaming like crazy over her work being pulled down.

"You can't take that portrait down!"

"Those flowers are my favourite!"

"I worked so hard on those curtains! You can't remove them!"

(Sighs).....if only they knew what Twilight liked and loved about the library?

Returning to Ground Zero

We now move to the scene that broke many a heart and caused many a tear to be shed.

It is not easy returning to "ground zero" for anyone after a disaster. Whether you are a firefighter in the RFS or in the town, a police officer, paramedic or even a government official, the pain of having to return to the place where the incident happened is a very moving.

Just ask them what it felt like to be there.

So when Twilight Sparkle and Spike took the scenic route back home, they came across the charred remains of the library. All the memories of those past five years came flooding back to them.

Memories such as the first day they moved in, the first party Twilight Sparkle was invited to when she came to Ponyville for the first time, that storm and the sleepover that followed, Future Twilight, Sweetie Belle finally learning how to do magic and making Rarity proud and when Twilight became a princess. All of these memories caused many emotions to be felt in one way or another.

Hearing the emotion in both Twilight and Spike's voices when they remembered the times and memories in that place was more than enough for me to cry a little bit. In fact, we all cried or had a D'Awwww moment when they started to remember the good times and the many memories that place gave them.

Even Spike broke down in tears after he had a memory come to him. The Twitterverse exploded with tweets like this:



Even multiple hugs (virtually) were given:


The show staff promised feels and emotions and they were delivered as promised. This scene was well performed and will be remember for quite some time.


*cue the sounds of INXS "By My Side*


Just Like Old Times

After the emotions and the feels were played out, there was no time to loose in getting the Castle made like the old library. Twilight and Spike dropped by the local bedding store and choose out new beds, but they have a hard time getting a salespony to make the purchase.


Meanwhile the rest of the Mane 6 were getting busy preparing a huge surprise for Twilight. After some more work, Twilight and Spike arrived home at long last to find a brand new addition.

The tree's roots from the library were pulled from it's original site and are now hanging on the roof of the castle. Each root containing a memory of their journey so far in Ponyville right from the very first day.

At this point, I was a bit choked up and had a few tears falling down my face. It was a moving scene and Twilight was also moved by the kind gesture that her friends made.

That right there is the true spirit of friendship. Bar none.


In Conclusion

Wow. Now that was an episode I am pretty much proud to say that I have shed a tear or two.

I don't have much else to say but this episode really hit home for not only myself, but for many countless others. I was left speechless for the entire duration of the program in seeing what Twilight and Spike had to go through after Tirek destroyed their home and the rebuilding process, trials, tribulations, heartbreak and in the end being overwhelmed by the new additions.

So in summary, this episode is one for the ages. This is history book material. This is museum material. Heck, you can put this in the National Film and Sound Archive for many generations to come. But this episode really drove home some major points and in the process made many a fan to appreciate what they have and to value it.

 Remembering Golden Oak Library by dm29


 CharmiePPAM by rjrgmc28

Ronnie (Cecilia)

Thank You Richie (RIP Richie Benaud)

Journal Entry: Thu Apr 9, 2015, 6:17 PM

Tony Greig: "Yes thank you Richie and it's a glorious day for cricket!"

For many people, they remember Richie Benaud as a cricketer. The captain. A veterian of 63 test matches including the infamous "Tied Test" against the West Indies.

For people like myself, I remember Richie from the good old glory days of Channel Nine, or in my case WIN Television's (WIN-4 if you really want to go back!) cricket coverage.

Who could remember the six styles of jackets that he had in those infamous colours?

"The cream, the bone, the off-white, the white, the ivory, the beige?"

Who could remember his warm welcomes opening a days play? What about the in depth analysis at the start of the match? The team lineups? The expertise and knowledge of the game? And let's not forget at times being angry as heck or furious as demonstated during the underarm incident of 1981. Whether it was a state based one day game, a test match, World Series Cricket or even the World Cup, Richie was there and the viewers were captivated by his style.

Speaking of style, it wasn't common for people to emulate it. Many a backyard cricket match that I played when I was younger was complete with Richie's analysis at the start, Tony's pitch report including the keys and a live running commentary of the game, even it mean't making a few people angry in the process.

Many people also discovered a side of Richie that wasn't demonsatrated on TV or in real life.

Billy Birmingham, aka the 12th Man is famous for his impersonation of Richie and at one stage of our lives accidently or on purpose came across Billy's tapes and listened to a a different style of Richie that we would never hear. Whether it was the Wired World of Sports or a 12th Man album such as "Boned" or "The Final Dig, I'm sure we had a good laugh or two even it mean't having the tape forced out of our hands by our parents and taken around the back and beaten up until we were black and blue for disobedience. (True Story!)

But after all of this, Richie's inspiration for many people like myself was one that I'll remember when my time comes around. He may be gone, but he won't be forgotten.

Thank You Richie.

"So with all of that, it's time for me to ride into the sunset. Thank you very much for your company and allowing me to be in your living rooms over so many great years. I hope to see you again soon. Until then, bye for now."

Ken Sparkes: "This has been another presenation, of Nine's Wide World of Sports!"

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Hello Bloom, My Name is Anxiety (Bloom and Gloom)

Journal Entry: Sat Apr 18, 2015, 5:00 PM


WARNING: As per my previous posts on this topic, it contains items that are from a personal retrospective and are based on my thoughts and mine alone. Trolls, haters and wannabe heroes who want to cause trouble will be dealt with and run the risk of being reported. This post also may contains some spoilers for those who haven't seen the episode yet, so you've been warned.


This post may also contain references or triggers that could provoke post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety and stress conditions. Readers are advised to exercise discretion and if needed have someone pre read this article to ensure suitability.

With that said....
"I am the hot and cold flushes that confuse you when you're already confused enough."

"I am the tightening of your chest."

"I am the snowballing worries that become an avalanche in an instant."

"I am the one that causes nightmares in your sleep."

"I am the one that causes your life to spiral out of control."

"I am the one that makes your life a living wreck."

MY NAME IS ANXIETY.
 

Anxiety. The hidden condition.

You cannot see it nor you can try and detect it. It stays hidden and cloaked and it doesn't become visible until it rears it's head in a bad way. You can't catch it like a flu. It just happens out of nowhere.

You can try and control it so much but eventually it will be noticeable for everyone to see. You can take all of the medication to try and control it, but the side effects are exactly the opposite. Instead of calming you down, it puts you flat on your back and left unable to move.

You almost lose your job due to anxiety. It is your own fault they said. You need help they said. You need to start living a normal life they said. But in the truthful reality, it wasn't your fault that you spun out of control.

Things aren't looking better despite people saying they are and the spiral just keeps spinning out of control. You have lost your Nan, your Pop, your grandma in a space of five years and you have no one else to turn to for advice. Every day is trying to survive though the harshest of jungles and also staying on the correct side of the law.

This is my experience with anxiety. I have to deal with this every single day from sunrise to sunset. Each day is a struggle with life.

For me, this episode titled "Bloom and Gloom" is a personal trip down memory lane filled with bad memories, PTSD flashbacks, anxiety attacks, stress blowups and several trips to the shrink to get to the root of the problem, but without much success. In fact, I never felt so uncomfortable in watching any episode of the show ever since I joined the fandom a few years ago.

Sure I've had the odd episode that made me blow my fuses, made me cry and even almost make me sick. But to literally take the issue of anxiety, put in and present it to you directly in your face is something else.

Most of this episode recap is going to focus on my experience with anxiety and how Apple Bloom also deals with the problem. Some of the content is going to be a bit dark and graphic, but I'll keep it "G" or "PG" rated when I can.


The Crusaders Three

We begin this tale with a visit to the Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse where a meeting is about to take place.

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetle Belle receive some news from Manehattan that makes them excited:

Babs Seed finally has her cutie mark!

Yes, you have heard it here first. Apple Bloom's cousin and the one who made Sweetie Belle cry her eyes out has finally come of age! Wow! The first of the Cutie Mark Crusaders has finally achieved their goal.

But celebrations start turning to concerns when Scoots and Sweetie start talking about the future. A future that was supposed to be filled with hope, excitement and opportunity turns out to be a worried filled nightmare for Apple Bloom who by the end of segment one is worried to no end.


Fear of Failure


Now let me go off track here and bring up a few points of the segment that followed.
"What if I finally get my cutie mark and I don't like it?"

"What if I get my cutie mark and nopony likes me?" "

What if the Cutie Mark Crusaders drift apart?"

Apple Bloom has a point there with those three questions. What if she got her cutie mark and it isn't her special talent? Will she face social rejection after finally going through heck to achieve her goal? Will the Cutie Mark Crusaders be dispanded or broken up? So many questions to ask yet the ponies who listen to your concerns don't listen or respond.

I go through a similar situation almost on a daily basis and Apple Bloom, you are not alone when I say this but you are being tumbled around like being a clothes dryer. Without the heat of course.

This is what we call "fear of failure" or as it's commonly known in the medical trade as Atychiphobia. In common terms, Atychiphobia is a repeated version of having a fear of failing in a task or in a life in general.

For me, an example of my fear of failure is when I forget someone's birthday. While I make it up by sending a belated birthday wish, I often have a fear that the person would end up getting angry at me for forgetting their special day and eventually calling me everything under the sun and not wanting to speak to me again. That is not a joke by the way.

Anyway back to the topic at hand.

Apple Bloom's questions to Applejack set off a trigger for me when I viewed the preview clip a few days before the episode aired.

You can clearly see that she really wants to get her cutie mark at any cost, even going as far to put her body on the line to do it. It's also a no brainer that Apple Bloom wants to knock down the challenges set before her in life and finally wants to take the next steps in her life and discover what she is good at.

Yet though crashing into tree sap, branches, bumps, bruizes, two snooty fillies giving her a hard time and getting a few ponies offside including her own big sister and brother, Apple Bloom keeps coming back for more even during her lowest moments in life.

But after all of this, she has a fear of failure in the form of her future. This is nothing new. I had similar feelings when I graduated high school and had major concerns about what to do next in life due to my disability and no employer wanting to hire me for a job. She wants to get her cutie mark, but she now has serious doubts of whether she will find her special talent with no direction or even a clue of where to go next.


Nightmares



The bulk of the episode centred around Apple Bloom having difficulty sleeping and even a song from Applejack helps a little but it doesn't help out that much.

We then cut to a scene of the next morning where Apple Bloom wakes from her sleep only to find out that the unobtainable....has been obtained:

Say it ain't so? Apple Bloom finally getting her cutie mark? In...extermination? Now hold on for just a moment. Didn't we find out in the opening scene that Apple Bloom is more likely to get a Apple Family based cutie mark? After all, if Granny Smith, Big Mac and Applejack have related cutie marks, shouldn't Apple Bloom follow suit?  


That's what I wanted to know.

Was Apple Bloom having a nightmare? Or was for real?

If this turned out to be real then I would have said that the show has done a Fonzie and "jumped the shark" and pretty much said it's over for me. Luckily though, that didn't happen. Instead we get a reference to a classic movie to match the extermination role:

....and it wouldn't be a Ghostbusters reference without Bill Murray's classic line. Ponified of course:


But before she kicked flank, she ran far into the Everfree Forest to escape the rath of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon who as always was giving her a hard time. Somewhere in the darkness of the forest, a all too familiar voice rang out:

Could it be? Could Starlight Glimmer after fleeing the town that she built be hiding in the Everfree Forest and playing her tricks on other ponies? Was she going to make mince meat out of Apple Bloom (not physically) and rip her new cutie mark off and replace it with a equal sign? We would find out the true identity later on.


Social Rejection & Family Disowning

Now we come to the part of the episode that put many to the ultimate test.


It turns out Apple Bloom was having a nightmare after all. But things are still not what they normally be.

The second time around yet another cutie mark and instead of fighting bugs, she ends up going to be Crusaders clubhouse only for Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle to pretty much reject Apple Bloom.

This part of the episode made me cringe in fear as this reflected my real world experiences of losing friends and breaching trust. I had to turn the volume down on my headphones as the words Scoots and Sweetie were saying actually caused me to get a little upset. Not in the form of tears running down the eyes, but in the form of being angry at what was going on at the time.


We now go through the same opening scene again for a third time, only this time the darkness level was turned up to 10 and higher.

The entire Apple Family turned their back on Apple Bloom. No joke:

This scene almost broke me as it reflected my real world experiences with my own family and the fights that I had with them during the years. The memories of fighting with them including the times where I stood up for my rights to be free and independent came flooding back to me and I was pretty much close to tears and shaking in fear at this point.

As mentioned at the start of this recap, I have had episodes which caused me to be angry. I have had episodes that made me cry my eyes out. I have had episodes test my anxiety, PTSD and stress levels. I almost lost my lunch during the season five premiere due to the cutie un-marking scene.

But I in my many years of being in the fandom was never tested to breaking point while watching an episode.

This one did it for me.


The Princess of the Night


After going though the same opening scene for a third and a forth time, Apple Bloom finally meets her match after going through heck.

Who was this person taunting her?

Would we have a plot twist and have Starlight come out and pretty much turn the lights out on Apple Bloom? Well if Starlight actually came out and did that, I can guarantee you that I wouldn't be writing this next segment of the recap. Plus the entire fandom would be in mourning over Apple Bloom as well.

So instead of Starlight, we end up finding out who was behind this after all...


That's right. The Princess of the Night herself. Princess Luna in the flesh and blood.

So after a drama filled portion of the episode, we are then treated to a peaceful dream scape where Luna asks Apple Bloom why she is worried to no end.

It turns out she isn't alone in all of this. Her friends are also having the same fears.


Sweetie Belle's Musical Talent

The door is then open by Luna and we soon get a look inside the world of Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.

Now it is no surprise that Sweetie is a good singer. In fact she is a very good singer as demonstrated through the four seasons of the show so far. So we end up in her dream scape where she is about to perform in front of her big sister Rarity as well as Vinyl and Octavia. Instead of hearing her beautiful voice ringing across the theatre, we see Sweetie Belle end up getting a cutie mark in cleaning instead.

I can only imagine what Rarity must have been going through at that point in time. In fact, after I watched the episode I had a dream where Rarity ended up comforting a crying Sweetie Belle at the Carousel Boutique. It's no secret that I like this sister pairing, Rarity and Sweetie were made for each other and to be there no matter what the situation.

Ok I am getting a little ahead of myself here, let's move on.


Scootaloo. The Daredevil?

We then cross to Scootaloo who dreams of being a daredevil like the greats of yesteryear.

Armed with her scooter and a outfit that Rainbow Dash would be proud of, she takes off on a stunt ramp only for her world to turn upside down and ends up getting her cutie mark in culinary and cooking instead.

This scene and the one before it broke my heart a little, but it goes to show that these three fillies have dreams, goals and inspirations of their very own and even through the tough times, bullying and ponies even going as far as telling them that they can't do it.

But in the end, all is well. The harsh reality of the last 25 minutes is nothing but broadcasting history and the Cutie Mark Crusaders live to tell their tale and to fight for another day. Oh, did I tell you that Babs ended up getting a care package?



In Conclusion


At the end of it all, this episode for me was completely different that I thought it was. I thought it was going to go extremely dark and extremely deep and deal with the issue of anxiety in the style that the season premiere did, but it turned out to be a great episode that also went to lengths to cover the topic without having to go too dark in terms of the storyline. I have to give the show staff credit for actually tackling this issue that no other show in it's genre couldn't touch.

Sure it tested my anxiety, stress and PTSD to breaking point, but I actually enjoyed it despite being "shook up" as they say.

So what's next for the Cutie Mark Crusaders?

Well I've got a good feeling that their big moment is about to happen. It may not be today, it might not be tomorrow or even a few years down the track.

But when the time comes and it's good and ready, I've got a good feeling that we will see history being made before our eyes.

As they say....stay tuned. There is more to come.


CharmiePPAM by rjrgmc28

Ronnie (Cecilia)

If you require immediate assistance or support after reading this article, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or at www.lifeline.org.au/crisischat or the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.

For readers in New Zealand, you can contact Lifeline NZ on 0800 543 354 or Kidsline on 0800 573 754.

For further information on anxiety, you can contact Beyondblue on 1300 224 636 or at www.beyondblue.org.au or for New Zealand, you can contact the Anxiety New Zealand Trust on 0800 269 4389 or at www.anxiety.org.nz. You can also visit the Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand at www.mentalhealth.org.nz.

You can also talk to a GP, a medical professional or someone you can trust.

For readers overseas, you can consult your local telephone directory, healthcare directory or access a list of crisis numbers for your country.

deviantID

rjrgmc28
Ronnie (Female Name Cecilia)
Australia
If you have found this page, then you have come to the right place. Welcome to the official deviantART page Cecilia, or for those who have been here for quite some time, I am also known by my birth name Ronnie.

My original goal when I joined deviantART was to looking for new ideas for productions and to escape reality. This page contains a mixed bag of goodies, such as scenic and landscape pics to the many cosplays and costumes that I've done over the years.

This page also contains my various crossplay and crossdress work as Cecilia.

Cecilia Teodomira Márquez, or Cecilia for short was my female alter ego. Now I am in the process of transitioning to a female full time in the next three years. But don't worry, I'm still an Aspie, I am still knowledgeable and I'm still respected by many and shows a huge despise against trolls etc.

I am also a brony and have been for the last two years. Not by choice, but by sudden chance. Over the last year or so and thanks to some YouTube Poops and 10 second clips, I've become a fan of the show. Which leads in to this warning to those who want to get on my bad side:

WARNING: Due to a large amount of trolls and haters using everything in the book, including death threats, I'm laying down the law here. This page contains pics that may not agree with everyone, so simply, IF you don't like what I post, then simply leave this page now. If you don't like it, don't view it. Simple.

Trolls, haters and such will be automatically blocked and any threats associated with it will be reported.

So have a look around. Remember to visit my Youtube channel (RJRTV) at: www.youtube.com/rjrgmc28 and my website at rjrtv.com. Also have a look at the RJRTV Facebook Fan Page here: www.facebook.com/rjrtv

And also have a look at my blog titled "From the Exec", which goes into more detail and covers RJRTV and other related stuffs: rjrgmc28.blogspot.com

If you are for a gaming challenge, why not add me to your friends list on these services:

* Xbox Live: rjrgmc28
* PlayStation Network: rjrgmc28
* Steam: rjrgmc28
* Gameloft Live: rjrgmc28
* Nintendo Network: rjrgmc28
Interests

No Internet Censorship, No to Strict Copyright Laws.

Special Feature (From the Exec)

Affected by the "Pony YouTube Crackdown"? Are you an overseas brony forced to take action into your own hands to get new episodes? Want to know why this is happening? Check out this special "From the Exec" blog post (www.fromtheexec.net/2012/09/ad…) to find out why.

Pony Personality Test Results

Fluttershy

Journal History

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Comments


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:iconrichten:
richten Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav :salute:
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:iconhero-mode:
Hero-Mode Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2015
I noticed that you watched my group, if you're interested in joining, then I can send you a invite.
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:iconnyskeskye:
NyskeSkye Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2015  New member Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch! :)
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:iconrjrgmc28:
rjrgmc28 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2015
You're welcome!
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:iconcrossdressbat:
CrossdressBat Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Thanks for the watch
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:iconrjrgmc28:
rjrgmc28 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2015
You're welcome!
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:iconhorsesplease:
HorsesPlease Featured By Owner Edited Feb 16, 2015
Greetings, Miss Rjrgmc28!

May I upload your pictures of "Equestria Girls" in Blender to Derpibooru? They will look lovely as part of a collection!

Thank you.
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tstelles Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2015   General Artist
Thanks for faving Sadness! =D
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:iconluketheripper:
LukeTheRipper Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Grrrr, I was wonderin' why I haven't gotten any new pictures of you for quite a while... and it seems the ever so glitchy DA has for some reason excluded you from my watchlist >W<

Heh, gonna have to take trip through your new works now >3

Though it's nice to know you're as fabulous as ever, if not gettin' more and more fabulous with each passing day, so it's certainly gonna be a fun trip ^^
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:iconaguywhocomments:
Aguywhocomments Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2014
When I looked at the MLP FiM collection Description, I HAD to say,

"rjrgmc28, Welcome to the herd.  We always welcome newcomers."
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